Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Heal Yourself

A couple of years ago now.. I have suffered on what people would say as just psychosomatic disease..
Its a disorder having physical symptoms but originating from mental or emotional causes.

I still remember that day .. I was so sad that I wasn't able to get the promotion that I've been targeting for 3 years. I didn't receive any negative feedback it's just that they don't like me. I was so angered by it because I have prepared for it for 2 years made sure that I am qualified for it. I have mentors who told me that there was no way that I will not get it.. But I wasn't chosen.. For reasons that they alone know.. I wasn't able to sleep nor eat properly  for  days and on D day I took 5 espressos and 5 quails egg. I felt so hot and I felt that my blood is rushing to my head.. I look so flushed.. I felt so dizzy and I can't even stand. I was rushed to the ER and found out that my Blood pressure reaches 180/120 they gave sublingual every after 30 mins. but the pressure didn't drop. I had my friend call my mom to follow us in the hospital. My mom is doctor she would know what's happening.. Everybody is telling me that it's just stress.. Before that day I don't know what stress means.. I thought nothing can stress me out and its impossible for me to feel it. I am a very jolly person.. I use to say let the problem take care of itself ..I will not even think of it.. But there I was in the ER all stressed out and I even thought that I will die that day.. But I didn't.. After that day I could not go alone any longer.. I was so nervous that I might pass out anytime..  I really was able to develop nervousness and it's debilitating me.. I I suffered from that feeling for 1 1/2 years..

Until I grew tired of it.. I couldn't do the things that I used to do.. "It's time that I put an end to it." It took time for me to go back to my normal self.. I took baby steps in doing so.. I started thinking of Happy Thoughts/ Memories.. I looked at the mirror and was disgusted by what I saw.. I gained 20 pounds I was so big that I wasn't able to fit on my clothes, My skin was so oily and I look ugh.. so ugly..  They used to say that I look like a movie star... but now  ( hahaha).. not even a trace of it..
 
Before my greediness to power started.. I was a simple person who works to live not vice versa.. I used to be contented on what I have and can afford.. I was so at peace then.. That I loved sharing that wonderful feeling to everybody that I thought needed it.. And this was the key to my self healing..  I turned back to God and ask him to help me , help myself . He did.. It took a long time for me to realize that ..to believe that He could heal me..  I remember .. my mom was telling me that we all have a gift to heal..

What am I trying to drive at now, that  we have the power to fix or destroy ourselves and others. It was given to us by God. It's what we call freedom. No amount of medicines can cure us if we are the ones who inflict pain.We must at all costs start thinking positively that God has a grand plan for everyone one of us. Sure we have plans for ourselves, but is it in accordance of His plan? Why would we think of things that is sure to destroy our sanity. Let us put our trust in God . I am so ecstatic now because of this. I know that there are a lot who is continually suffering. Please feel free to message me so we could counsel each other. I still am in the process of repairing myself and in helping people heal themselves . I am also healing me.

I am slowly but surely regaining strength to make things in my life a lot more brighter. I hope you can share with me your thoughts too. Just beautiful thoughts. Let's scrap that thoughts that will help us. ok